"I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

- Michael Jordan

I feel like I'm failing. every. single. day.

I have this fear of falling down stairs. Rightfully so, as I've literally fallen down entire flights of stairs on more than one occasion. Enough so, that if I ever published my first book, I would name it "Falling Down Stairs" or some shit like that. It's the perfect literal and figurative title to describe how I am sporadically navigating through life. It's like I am always at a peak, then somehow fall down, in a non-graceful decent. I feel like I'm failing in my finances, failing work expectations, failing relationships, failing family life, failing at taking care of my health, failing at maintaining a clean and organized grown-up home, failing at checking my voicemails in a reasonable amount of time, failing at eating all the vegetables in my fridge before they go bad - literally, failing at being an adult. 

So, what motivates me? 

I've always felt like a loner, but not in a bad way. I am comfortable in doing things on my own, and will always try and solve things in the background away from outside eyes. It's this independent curse that's both liberating, but scary at the same time. No one sees the struggles and failures, because I keep it that way. It's just in my nature to see that as a major weakness. I'd rather struggle quietly and alone, then show a sliver of vulnerability and ask for help. And it's because of this stubborn independence and inner fire to succeed, i put A LOT of pressure on myself, and that motivates me to get back up everyday. I may procrastinate... big time, but I work best in clutch situations, and if its important enough for me to care about, then I will get my ass back up and look ahead at the next flight of stairs. If it's not important or valuable enough, I take the L, and move shit along.

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See, life is full of people, and their expectations for you. And on top of that, you have your own expectations and goals. It's overwhelming, especially if you want or have to go about it on your own. Unless you're some alien bot, you're bound to fail more than once. It is tough when you fail at things, and even tougher to find the motivation to keep going.

I’m not here to motivate you. That’s something you need to do on your own. You are going to FAIL. And you may just be okay with taking that L. But if you want more Ws, than accept the failures, and keep getting back up until you find what it is that motivates you to get it. It’s not going to be easy, and shit always falls between the cracks. I’m still trying to figure that out... but I am certain that whatever your goals are, it’s well worth the struggle.

 

always Falling, but SOMEHOW getting back up. 🤦🏻‍♀️
KMV

p.s. i'm starting a youtube channel. subscribe here.

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